Walter Mitty

You are allowed to read my shit, but:

• don’t speak of it at school or anywhere at all. whatever’s on tumblr, stays on tumblr.
• don’t ask me questions about who my posts are about.
• don’t judge me from my posts.
• don’t assume my posts are about you.
• don’t assume my posts are towards a certain someone in particular.
• in each post i make, i have my reasons that doesn’t concern you unless notified by me.

(via inlieuofeffie)

“Catch her.”

Well,i just wished i could tell you that i love you.Im not good with my words nor my actions.I cat seem to sweep you off your feet with any sweet heartfelt words.I can just express myself simply.I should be daring and come out from my deep feelings.

This 11 months that i have i waited ive been trying to find something.Im trying to find out what is it that i feel for you.Trying to find the right words to express it.Finding the right moment to say it out.I know you didnt ask me to wait,but i chose too.Honestly i thought it could touched you.I didnt mind waiting even though as days goes by it gets harder and harder.We dont contact much as time pass and at times i get really scared,im just afraid that you will forget me when the time comes.Im not trying to complain,waiting is never easy.Especially waiting for something that you unsure of. 

I get tired at times.I really feel like giving up at times.I thought to myself,why the hell am i waiting.Afterall the feelings were not mutual to start with,why do i bother to give it another chance and make myself look desperate.I can try to get to know people and maybe some girl and spark off something new.I dont know. What kept me going? Well it was the last few sentence of the letter. 

You said feelings might form.Honestly i think it was bullshit cos at the rate that we are communicating with each other there is no way you can form feelings for me or so i thought.You also said “feelings might fade”,i took it as a challenge,i told myself i will persevere on with the feelings that i have and when the time comes ill show it to you that true feelings dont fade.Just you wait.

I dont really know what makes me have feelings for you so badly,people can move on easily after such a period of time.I see so many girls,prettier and nicer and i will think about you.Im not comparing but i was thinking why,why her? Im embracing my stalker habits cos it remind me so much of you and how i got to know you.Im tired of looking at girls and i cant do anything abt it,its pointless and me doing it is just to keep you alive in my mind.However stupid that may sounds.

Its stupid to hear people go “oh i think abt her everyday~”.Ive never believe in such stuff not till now.Everyday before i fall asleep,or most of the days where i have so much time to think.The first topic will be “where will all this go? what will happen after the wait?” I would create happy scenarios of me and you,smiling foolishly to myself as to how lovely it would be if all that was true.Well atleast for me.I mean walking down the beach or in the park is enough for me.I just want time with you.

Sometimes i think that you think that im not doing enough to make you feel like you are special in my eyes.Its very upsetting but i wouldnt blame anyone except for myself.It just means i dont understand you enough,cos if i do i can make you see what you want to see.The thought of not knowing you enough is enough to make me tear.

Im still confuse as to what this overwhelming feeling across my chest is.It comes everytime i see,hear something from you.One example is simply when i see you.Yeah just the sight of you can trigger that feeling.At times when i see,read or hear something that might upset me involving you that feeling will also be triggered.I stil get nervous when i want to go to your fb wall or your tumblr.Its like a million ants crossing my whole chest,their tiny feets pressing against my skin so rapidly.I know lame description,you see i cant find the right words.If only you can feel what i feel.I sometimes think is this how it feels to be in love? 

I dont know if im too young for love or am i ready to discover it.Call me impatience by i just what to know what love is? Well who doesnt want to.I wish you would want to discover it with me.I know all this sound so stupid but you know what ashton kutcher said? “If you’re not willing to sound stupid,you dont deserve to be in love”.I have to agree,i shouldnt really care about how i say it but just say exactly how i feel and letting go of all that i have held back.I must try to let you see right through me. I just wish a day will come where i held out my hands to you and said “you want to discover love with me?”

Remember those times where i say “When i go to poly i will find myself a hot girlfriend!” You know who i was referring too? Its you. Cos you know i find you kind of hot too.I really had no other girl in mind.Not even till now.

Btw,i would have love to look into your eyes and tell you all this if the picnic had happen.I know you hate romantic stuff but i dont know abt this. Oh and yeah ill will end all this with “abesence makes the heart grown fonder” after i ask you for a hug before you enter the lift. I thought of slipping in a “i love you” too.Honestly ive been dying for your hug.

For now,it would be this song

Try-Asher Book
———————————— 

If I walk would you run
If I stop would you come
If I say you’re the one would you believe me
If I ask you to stay would you show me the way
Tell me what to say so you don’t leave me
The world is catching up to you
while your running away to chase your dream
Its time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change 
and maybe im not ready 

CHORUS
but I’ll try for your love 
I can hide up above
I will try for your love 
we’ve been hiding enough 

if I sing you a song would you sing along 
or wait till im gone , oh how we push and pull 
if I give you my heart would you just play the part 
or tell me it’s the start of something beautiful 
am I catching up to you 
while your running away , to chase your dreams 
its time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change 
and maybe im not ready 

CHORUS
but I’ll try for your love 
I can hide up above 
I will try for your love 
we’ve been hiding enough 

I will try for your love 
I can hide up above

P.S. Sometimes,I just wish we were still at the stage where you wrote my name on your hand.Atleast there,you had the slightest feelings for me.I could have done something about it. Oh and i miss your scorpion hair :)